Random Thoughts

So it's been awhile since I've posted anything. Connor's three month birthday was extremely difficult but somehow we got through it. The three month anniversary of his death was much, much easier than his birthday. My good friend (and Connor's third grandma) went to visit him and I cried and talked to him, but it was good. Tears really are good for the soul.

Since then we have had some pretty busy days. I did have a job interview last week that I'm hoping will turn out on a positive note but I'm trying not to get my hopes up too much. Though I do believe it would be a wonderful opportunity so please keep praying for us (and thank you for the continued prayers and support).

My family was out for the weekend and it was fun to spend time with my four nephews. I really believe that Connor and his cousins definitely looked alike. There are some similarities, I'm sure. It is always bittersweet to spend time with them. They love to run and play and cuddle and I think of Connor and how much they would love to hold him and cuddle him. There is an emptiness now where there should be excitement.

It is easier at times to see infants now. It just depends on the moment. It's amazing how grief works. It seems like you should be continuously getting better, like when you have a cold or a broken bone, but instead it's up and down. Sometimes I feel like I am doing so good and then something hits me and I'm sad, angry, frustrated, lonely, etc. all over again. I look through my pictures of Connor and am so proud of my little man but heartbroken because I miss him so much. I just cannot believe how beautiful he was/is!

This is a rather random post, but nice to put my thoughts down. I guess sometimes our thoughts are just jumbled up and random anyway but to write them down is helpful.