Moving

So I have officially worked for three days so far and it has been great! The staff at CCJ (Center for Community Justice) and especially VORP have been extremely supportive and encouraging. They have all been patient with me as I learn how they do things and get back on my feet. I am thankful for this position and the chance to be a part of the professional world again; and actually, just to be a part of the world. I truly believe that we were created to be in relationship with each other; to learn, grow, support, laugh and cry together. This is a blessing.

The adjustment all around has been okay. There are moments, I guess kind of like twinges, when someone says something that makes me think of Connor and brings the sadness rushing back, but it is a twinge. So far, I have been able to acknowledge it and find a way to work through it and keep moving at the same time.

It seems that everyday brings something new to think about, cry about, laugh about. I realized it has been a year since I found out I was pregnant (yeah, I know I am a little weird about remembering dates, but it was important). I can't believe it's been a year. Connor was inside of me growing and changing. He was my little miracle even then; we were so happy and so excited!!! It's still hard to believe how things have changed since then.

So as I'm going through these new transitions I keep moving. I see baby boys and I'm sad or someone mentions their grandchild or we go to get ice cream and I think of carrying Connor in his sling and I'm sad. But I keep moving. I want to be a part of the world again. Sometimes I want to be still and I think that's okay, but I also want to keep moving.