Today is five months since Connor passed away and last Sunday he was five months old. It has actually been a pretty good week, thanks to friends and family. Jim and I chose to spend the week apart (though it was also our 7 year anniversary). He went on a fishing trip to Canada with the boys (well, more like three dads :) ) and I went with my good friend Jeanna to visit our good friend Rachel in New York City. Getting away is always good for the soul; to have the chance to escape reality but be able to really think about it too.
I've found that since I've been working full time, it's definitely alot harder to work at grieving. Jim has taught me alot about this and the transition to working again has been good, but also difficult. I feel like I have to be "on" all the time and I really have to be conscious of taking time to do grief work. I realized that one day when Jim and I went to visit Connor. It had been awhile and I just needed some time to breathe.
We were sitting by his side thinking about him and talking to him when suddenly a beautiful emerald green hummingbird with a ruby red throat flew right up to us, remained still for just a moment and zipped away around the evergreen. We had the exact same response and thought Connor sent us a little hummingbird to remind us that he is okay and still with us. It was a precious moment that helped us get through the day. I cried hard that day, harder than I had in awhile and it was also good. I believe that going to visit Connor is a way for me to center myself so I can keep moving. He brings me peace when I feel there isn't any.
So Jim and I have been busy, but it's been good. We've been apart and together and are finding ways to grieve apart and together but to always think about our beautiful son Connor. I'm so glad that we have each other and that we have wonderful friends who will sit and listen to our stories and just be there to walk along side us. It makes it a little bit easier when we know that we can share our burdens. Thank you, and we do love you all!
Sunday, June 7, 2009
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sweet Kelly. I think you and Jim are amazing people, parents, and friends. You're an encouragement to me and your friendship means more than I can say. So much strength is required of you both, to do what you do...day by day...and you're doing it. Hour by hour. Our prayers continue, that you can feel arms around you on the 'good days' and on those days that you need to cry. And for hummingbirds to be close, always. Loveyou.
ReplyDeleteI love that God knows what we need when we need it. I am thankful for the hummingbird reminder for you.
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