Hope?

I've been thinking about hope alot lately. Hope is sometimes really hard to hold on to; like it's just beyond my reach and though I keep trying to grab it, I can't. At least, that's the way I have been feeling recently. Lately, I've been feeling pretty good because I had something to hope for and this helped to manage the grief. Jim and I are trying again and things seemed to be going really well, but we're not pregnant and everything comes crashing down again...and the hope is replaced with grief, loneliness, despair.

I am so incredibly angry! I should have my boy with me right now! Watching him grow and crawl and laugh and smile. When I'm angry like this and so sad too, I can't see hope. Hope is the opposite of grief. They don't mesh well and I really would like to be filled with hope rather than filled with grief.