Our Story

Our son, Connor James Sauder Neff, would be two months and one day old today. Connor passed away at 7-days-old due to a birth injury and we miss him and think about him everyday. In memory of Connor I thought I would begin a blog about his life and how he has changed our's forever.

Jim and I have been married for almost 7 years. We wanted to wait to have children and after 5 wonderful years together we decided it's time to expand our little family. We started trying to conceive in January 2006. Unfortunately, nothing was happening so we began the long journey of infertility. I was diagnosed with PolyCystic Ovarian Syndrome which basically means that pregnancy may be a challenge. After a year and half of grieving this infertility, we found out we were pregnant!

The pregnancy went wonderfully and we did everything right. Connor was happy and growing inside my womb. By 19 weeks I could feel him move inside me and from then on he didn't let me forget it!

On New Year's Eve 2008 at 4:15am my water broke and labor began! After a long day of labor (with an epidural I might add) it was finally time to push. This is where our nightmare began. the midwife and nurses couldn't find Connor's heart rate and were getting very concerned. He finally came and was blue. Connor had been without oxygen for 11 minutes. The nurses were able to revive him and he was doing fine but then he began to have seizures and needed to be medicated. He was then transferred to South Bend Memorial Children's Hospital where the Cool Cap Treatment was administered.

The treatment lasted for 72 hours and slows everything down so the brain has a chance to heal. After the 72 hours his body is warmed up and we see what happens. Connor had a few seizures during the warming up process and it was a really hard day (this was Sunday, January 4, 2009). Since we weren't sure how much brain damage there may be, we had to wait for some additional testing and for Connor to responde. Early Monday morning he began to have seizures again and didn't stop until 6:30pm Monday evening. That was one of the hardest days of our lives! However, Connor did not have any seizures again and we were able to hold him as much as we could and oh, how wonderful he was to hold! He was and is so beautiful.

By Wednesday morning, Connor's doctor attempted to take out Connor's respirator but Connor couldn't breathe well enough on his own. On Wednesday, January 7, 2009, we were given the heartbreaking news that our son, Connor, would not be able to breathe or swallow on his own and the risk of infection was too great. Our best option was to let nature takes it's course. So, sometime on Wednesday morning Connor's doctor took us into a room and we held our son. Our parents, close friends, pastor and doctor were with us. There was a beautiful blessing and kind words spoken and then the doctor pulled out Connor's respirator while I held him close to my chest. Connor lived for 40 minutes and he fought so hard. He took his last breath at 30 minutes and his heart continued to beat for another ten minutes. He had such a strong little heart!

So this is our story about our beautiful first born son, Connor James. He has been such a blessing in our lives and we will always love him. Not a day goes by that we don't think of him and he will always be with us and us with him. We are eternally connected.