I was recently at a wonderfully healing training last week in Cleveland, OH and a poem was read there that was so helpful and beautiful. I wanted to share it. I also want to thank Kay Pranis for all of her support and for reading the poem and to Rashani, the author (www.rashani.com), for allowing me to post it on my blog. I hope others may find healing from it.
There is a brokenness
out of which comes the unbroken,
a shatteredness out
of which blooms the unshatterable.
There is a sorrow
beyond all grief which leads to joy
and a fragility
out of whose depths emerges strength.
There is a hollow space
too vast for words
through which we pass with each loss,
out of whose darkness
we are sanctioned into being.
There is a cry deeper than all sound
whose serrated edges cut the heart
as we break open
to the place inside which is unbreakable
and whole,
while learning to sing.
--Rashani, 1991
--www.rashani.com
Thursday, March 5, 2009
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wow Kelly, that was amazing. It hit me. Thanks for sharing that poem. always praying...
ReplyDeleteYeah, it did me too. Thanks for the card and for all the support. You're such a great friend! We've been thinking about you both and your family alot lately...
ReplyDeleteI am so glad that you are doing this blog. I am really glad that your grief can help others and I hope it will be good for you too. I had never heard the birth story before. Do they know why he didn't breathe for 11 minutes? God bless and keep writing.
ReplyDeleteHey Anna. Thanks for the support. I'm still trying to figure out this blog thing. I was trying to find yours and somehow started following my own!
ReplyDeleteAnyway, Julia Gautsche is unsure as to why Connor was without oxygen. We may never know. We do know that the umbilical cord was abnormally large around and possibly thin walled (they sent the cord and placenta to a pathologist). They suspect that as Connor was going down through the birth canal that due to all the stress he may have pinched the cord somehow and because it was so large and thin walled the vein may have collapsed rather than bouncing back...thus no oxygen. When he was pulled out the cord was wrapped around him but very losely. That is their best guess.
Assuming we choose to try again; and I'm pretty sure we will some day, it would be considered high risk and they would do more ultrasounds and stress tests throughout the pregnancy. We would also go ahead and schedule a c-section. Julia said that there is no way we would be able to cope with the anxiety of natural birth because of what we went through. I think she is probably right.
God bless to you too and we love you all!